Marked difference

Usually a switch for us is a long thin thing that tapers to a fine point, but this one was different. Thicker and a bit nobbly, it ended in a fat leaf bud.

And the effect was quite different too. It made me squeal - that little stick wrapped around my bottom and the wicked fat bud made an incredibly painful connection with my bare skin.

It left the side of my left bumcheek peppered with little, puffy round weals that were bruises by the next day. Today, five days later, vague shadow bruises are still there, like little SO fingerprints marking my as owned.

No use crying over spilt milk

Is this just an English English idiom, or is it used in other parts of the English-speaking world? This milk is definitely spilt - and spoiled - and there's nothing that can be done to put that right. Accidents do happen, don't they?

But I reckon Mid-West Mom doesn't see it that way and little Miss Mid-West isn't going to sitting comfortably on that milking stool any time soon. I love this illustration and have seen it here and there over the years, but don't know where it's from or who the artist is. Can anyone help?

Be prepared

A switch and a bared, raised bottom. It looks like someone is about to get their just desserts. From the colour of that blouse I'd say that this penitent is a member of the Girl Guides (Britain's Girls Scouts) and she's wearing the uniform that was current in the 1980s.

The tent and the sleeping bag suggest summer camp. Someone has sneaked into town to stock up on cigarettes, which is not acceptable in a disciplined organisation like the Guides. The movement's motto is 'Be Prepared', so maybe the switch had been cut and trimmed on the day of arrival - a warning to anyone who dares to trangress.

Although, the scouting movement is all about making do in the great outdoors. So improvisation is all and finding bottom-spanking implements wherever and whenever would be part of that. 

If I can trust Wikipedia on this, the first handbook for Girl Guides was called How Girls Can Help to Build Up the Empire and it explained that the motto summed up how members have to be prepared at any moment to face difficulties and dangers by knowing what to do and how to do it.

Personally I passed on the whole uniform thing. The people didn't seem that cool and being bossed around didn't look like fun. But with hindsight maybe I missed something

If the danger is a whippy switch how can you be prepared? Surely, all she can do is clench, hold on and weather the storm.

Botany and bottomy

Pervertables, when you're in the mood they're everywhere, aren't they? I went into the garden centre yesterday to get pet food and Significant Other phoned while I was there.

Could I get hedge plants? There's a bit of a gap in the garden hedge and SO wants to put in more plants to fill it. I wonder around for a while and then decide to ask someone.

The only assistant in sight is young and male. I explain what I'm looking for and he says: "Oh, you mean whips." Did I blush like a giddy teen? I'm afraid I did.

It turns out that in the trade they call the little twigs with roots on 'whips' and sell them by the bundle. So it turns out that what I need is a couple of bundles of whips.

Of course, by then I was lost. We stood there while he explained why hawthorn might be better than hazel or hornbeam, but I couldn't concentrate.

So off I went with whatever he thought best (hawthorn - cheap, quick-growing, prickly enough to keep animals in or out), but I drove home with a different sort of botany - bottomy? - going on in my head.

I have some experience here. Hazel, flexible and knobbly. Willow, straight and slender and extra-stingy. Apple, good texture and very whippy. Haven't been able to try the classic hickory switch of American tradition, sadly. Can you grow it here in the UK - I suppose that's a question for the guy at the garden centre.