That figures

You're given a gift and you think what's the message here, don't you? There's usually a sub-text. So, what would the giver be saying  here?
I was doing some online research today of an entirely vanilla kind and up popped this strange little china ornament that, of course, caught my attention. It was on an auction site and the vendor said it was a Victorian china fairing (the page is old and it had been sold).
He or she added: "Come home late and this is what you get...got, back in the Victorian era. A good whopping. This original antique China Fairing was made by Conta Boehme of Germany in the late 1800s. These porcelain china fairings were given away as prizes at fairs. The caption on this fairing is 'Returning at One O'clock in the Morning'...We can't tell if this is the husband or a naughty teen boy, but someone's getting a good spanking from mom and her hairbrush."
Is that Mom? To me he and she are a couple and she's teaching him that there's a cost to coming home after curfew.
Anyway, doing a bit more reading it sounds like fairings were prizes, but were also bought as gifts or souvenirs. What would you be trying to say to somebody you gave 'Returning at One O'clock in the Morning' to? 

Perfect hairbrush

Certainly not the perfect picture I know,  but I was in a bit of a hurry. Anyway, away on a work trip, SO emails to say I have a gift coming my way. There's some hints and some guessing and, to cut a long story short, I work out that it's a hairbrush.
A nice wooden hairbrush, just what I've been looking for. Perhaps even something from a little antique shop, I thought,  and my imagination began to run away with me. Maybe this will be THE one...
So you can imagine how ticked off I was when my gift turned out to be "just a little joke". That is, both little and a joke - a hairbrush no longer than my index finger.
Now you know how important hairbrushes are to us,  you understand their centrality in the spanko-iconography.  The estimable Pandora Blake touched on the subject recently on her blog,  saying: "Wooden hairbrushes are a huge part of my kink, and I fantasise about them all the time, quite possibly because they are so evil and difficult to take in reality. Being my own worst sadist, this is more than enough reason for me write myself lots of wooden hairbrush spankings."
Exactly, and after all these years SO still doesn't get that. Is that depressing, or what?

Learning point

You really do learn something everyday, don't you? And today's step towards enlightenment provides a scientific explanation for why a good hairbrush punches above its weight in the disciplinary sphere.
Physics was a real problem for me at school. Or put it another way, I was a real problem for my physics teacher (sorry Mr Hindmarch).
But since I discovered The Big Bang Theory I have been trying to understand what makes the universe tick, so today's insight was especially pleasurable. I stumbled across it while wasting a little work time in Tumblr-land at a blog called Who's Sorry Now, where Spanked2Tears appears to be mostly concerned with the interface between male bottoms and hairbrushes (in female hands) - but I guess the physics is much the same.
A blog visitor asks: "Why a hairbrush, does it have anything to do with it just being available? Doesn't look like its going to hurt actually."
And Spanked2Tears answers: "My personal take on it, is that the bristles act as delayed mass. In other words they continue to decelerate after the wood has stopped."

I was a bit puzzled at this point. Delayed mass? If only Mr Hindmarch had held my attention (or been more persuasive in demanding it). But S2T goes on to add: "Extending the duration of the impact. If you have ever seen a shot hammer it’s the same theory. The hollow head of the hammer contains small, loose lead balls. They land a moment after the head of the hammer does and cause the blow to generate far more energy than a regular hammer of the same weight..."
So, it's as simple as that - bristles extend duration of impact. I feel I now need to buy two identical hairbrushes, take the bristles off one and then get SO involved in some citizen science. 
How would it work? A dozen with one brush on one butt cheek and a dozen on the other with the other brush, then rate redness?
Spanked2Tears does end on a point that's more about psychology than physics, saying: "I think that the allure of the hairbrush is that it is such a common domestic item." And all that delaying of mass aside, that for me is what makes a good old-fashioned hairbrush THE number one implement for TTWD.
It's an object that is so fearfully stingy, but at the same time is so sweetly innocent. It can sit around the house, or the handbag, and mean nothing to the majority, but everything to those of us in the know.

Crime and punishment, Benson style

Actions result in reactions. Wrong-doing should result in a well-smacked behind.
I'm enoying a little time looking at some great Roger Benson images - all spanking art masterpieces - and trying to make connections between them. It's as though they deserve to be put one after another and to have speech bubbles added like a cartoon strip.
This top one looked to me like it would add up to a serious misdemeanour in Benson's 1950s play park for spankos. What on earth does this young lady think she's doing? And it's 12.45, presumbly in the morning not in the afternoon. 
That has to be well after curfew, hasn't it? She should have been home hours ago, but instead she's in the kitchen making out.
Whose kitchen is it? His? Or are they at a party?
And I think the picture below looks like the outcome. Or something like it. Mum, aunt or perhaps a dorm mom and she looks very unhapy. 
Personally I'd think this was a situation that called for the hairbrush or the paddle. Something with a bit more bite than a ruler. 
But perhaps the ruler is just a warm-up for the top of the bill act. Anyway, hours of fun (when you should be working on a project that is horribly close to deadline...)

Birthday list

Is it too early to start a birthday list? The big day is in May, but if you want to drop a hint that Significant Other will actually catch you do have to get up early in the morning.

It occured to me that the carpet beater (in Dutch, mattenklopper - what a great word - or in German, teppichklopfer) that I was thinking yesterday would look really good in gift paper. Maybe a bow too.
Not a gift to open in front of the kids, of course. But it could live in the garage and come out when there were rugs (or a bottom) to be attended too.
Mind you, I never got the nice wooden hairbrush I was hoping for for Christmas, so I wouldn't put money on SO going mattenklopper shopping any time between now and May. Shame though, buying your own spanking implements doesn't seem quite right.

Old friend

Just a quick post as it's a busy day here. My first stop whenever I get online is always the brilliant All Things Spanking, a must-read for any citizen of Spankoland. You never know what you're going to find.

Today's little treat is this great image. Where did it come from originally? It seems to have been around for years and, for me, now seems like an old friend.

I'm not entirely sure what I like so much about it. That hairbrush? The long socks? The spanker's shoes and her tight, determined hold on the brush handle? I think it's the sense of anticipation.

She's been scolded and smacked and sent to the corner. Now she's about to get her real punishment. It's a picture that gives me goose bumps every time I come across it.

Our present difficulties

How subtle should a Christmas present hint be? From time to time we've talked about the sort of hairbrush I need. And I mean NEED.

Classic, made of wood, not too big, not too small. You know the thing otherwise you wouldn't be here.
But my mostly-vanilla Significant Other doesn't seem to get the message. A tacky plastic supermarket hairbrush may do the job but it spoils the moment if you're obsessed with period detail.
Yes, I could buy my own I know. But that would miss the point - it's the thought that counts, isn't it? Just the right brush all wrapped up in Christmas paper with a little bow on it would be the best present ever.
Another hint will have to be pinged in SO's direction and I think I've just found the perfect thing. In all the Love our Lurkers excitement I missed Dioneo's great post 25 Reasons Why Spankos are So Awesome over at Ecco Spanko. It's wry, witty and made me laugh.
As a sometime kayaker I like number 13, 'If one of us is up a creek, there's probably a paddle around.' From experience I'd recommend taking a spare paddle just in case, but I digress. Dioneo's reason  number 2 is the one I'm hoping SO will pick up on: 'We're the reason antique shops sell hairbrushes.'