Louise Mensch MP. Firm, but fair Form Mistress or no-nonsense (and occasionally rather spiteful) Head Girl? I'm sitting watching the BBC's 'Question Time', which this week has Miss Mensch on the panel - and I find her fascinating.
How I'd love to have just a little of her self-confidence and, perhaps, those cheekbones. As Form Mistress I see her in a flowing academic gown stalking the quad on the look out for misbehaving pupils. Bad luck for you if she comes upon you out of class during lessons for Miss Mensch canes first and asks questions next.
Or as Head Girl she leads for the school during the debating competition, before heading back to the dorm to deal with subordinates who have vexed her. There's a well-worn slipper in her desk that she thoroughly enjoys reddening girls' bare bottoms with.Is Miss Mensch a good thing? It's a question that has had an airing, but the jury is still out. I don't vote Conservative, but she does bring a bit of colour to our rather grey House of Commons.