I know I'd probably regret saying it a moment after my little dream had come true, but I'd love to be on the end of a tawse. A proper one made of solid, heavy leather looks like an experience that's not to be forgotten.
It is definitely an item on my Bucket List. By the way, where does "bucket list" come from? I know there's a film, but did the bucket list idea exist before the movie - or did the movie just pick up on a phrase that people were already using?
Anyway, back to the tawse. If you stop by here often you'll know that Scotland's favourite disciplinary tool often features in my daydreams (and night ones too). So, you're probably thinking I should just pull myself together and buy one - but that's problematic for a number of reasons.
Years back, before we had kids, we bought what was reckoned to be tawse from a mail order supplier. It looked good, but wasn't cheap. We reckoned it would be just the thing for a little harmless teacher-puil role play.
The parcel arrived and contained - a major disappointment. Thin, light and flimsy, the "tawse" was an insult to a proud nation (Scotland, that is).
More recently I've looked at tawses online. Or is tawse the plural? But I haven't been so sure about having one around the house in case one of the kids should find it.
How to explain away something that is so clearly an instrument of corporal punishment? Hairbrushes and belts can sit around in your bedroom without raising suspicions, but a hefty great tawse is a definite giveaway.
Now, I'm thinking we should buy one but be very careful about where we put it between its "outings". Perhaps I could hollow out a book like spies do when they're hiding guns, but make the hollow tawse-shaped.
That would be pretty safe. Our kids do read, but never, ever touch something as old-fashioned as a made-from-paper book...
PS If you've bought a good tawse online I'd love to hear about where it came from.