The problem is that SO is just too soft-hearted. A spanko in need of a spanking is looking for a SPANKING, not a token smack, but SO doesn't like to inflict damage (even when not inflicting damage is what hurts).
Then on Friday morning there was the chance of a little kid-free fun time and we went for it. In deference to SO's interests we opted for spank-free.
Then at the moment of greatest mutual excitement something went twang deep inside SO's back and everything had to stop. A torn muscle we think and poor old SO has been in agony ever since.
What's funny about that? More ironic than funny ha-ha. Three, nearly four, days later and SO cannot sit down (or bend down, or stand up or do much really). Three days without being able to sit down? I should be so lucky.