What's that noise?

Is there such a thing as aural camouflage? You can trick the eye, but can you trick the ear?

I'm a bit concerned about some of the noises that are generated in our bedroom. The bed is wooden, old and I love it - but it squeaks and, given enough encouragement, rattles.

Then there's the usual human squeaks and squeals, of course. And, last but not least, there are the spanko-related sounds.

When the house is kid-free the first two sound types aren't a problem. The bed isn't that noisy and a bit of self-control deals with anything coming out of me or SO, but I do worry about neighbours' ears tuning in to the noise that comes with spanko-related activity.

We do keep things under some control when they're likely to be in their gardens or have windows open, which means that the spank stuff happens more on rainy days and/or in winter. Also, the impact of some implements on a bare bottom are noisier than others, aren't they?

In my experience a wire coathanger can be applied to a butt and produce almost no sound, but a lot of sting. A switch or a cane is again pretty quiet, while a brush or a paddle makes much more of a din.

The problem is, my personal preference is for the noisy end of the scale. My fave is a rubber-soled sandal of SO's that has a mighty sting and can spank a bottom to all-over scarlet in no time - but it makes one hell of a noise.

So, I'm thinking is the way to go to create distraction noise in your house that your spanking activity can hide behind? Could you play loud recordings of live gigs and then squeeze a quick, noisy whacking into the audience applause between numbers? Or record yourself doing DIY work in the house and then play it back - power drills and hammers would create a good aural screen to stuff happening elsewhere in the house.

Or perhaps leave your lawnmower running in the garden while you're busy indoors. I suppose there is a danger that your sound camouflage is so noisy that they come round to complain - and catch you with your pants down.