The sense of guilt is with me all the time at the moment. And it is at its worst when I look at my 'to do' list, which has more unticked boxes than ticked ones.
I'm failing to live up to standards that, as a freelancer, I have to set for myself. And it's a bit confusing because, as a spanko, the guilty feelings are all tangled up with my own particular sexual make-up.
It's mostly a work thing. The bad thing about being a freelance writer is that clients never come along in an orderly fashion (silly them), no they come along in fits and starts - and they all want their project completed straight away, or sooner.
So, you end up spinning plates to keep half a dozen jobs going at the same time. It means that you disappoint editor A to please editor B. And you keep editor C on hold while prevaricating to keep editor D... and so and so on.
Can't be helped, but it makes me feel that I'm letting everybody down. On top of that I'm all written-out by the end of the day and have no mental energy for my part-written spanko novel.
My 'to do' list is lacking lots of ticks at the end of each day, but Significant Other offers no sympathy whatsoever. I've suggested some sort of incentive scheme to improve productivity, based on a carrot and stick kind of approach, but the suggestion has fallen on stony ground.
I see it as a fairly simple arrangement - a 'to do' item without a tick earns a lick with that stick. Or four or five licks.
But SO is being very unhelpful and points out that for me stick is carrot and vice versa, and argues that it would work better if I had to eat a carrot (preferably raw) for every unticked box. Not very supportive.