Should I give up on the vacuum and start beating my rugs? Looking at them I'd say they could do a great deal better and might benefit from a damned good thrashing...
Well anyway, it would give me an excuse to go out and buy a carpet beater wouldn't it. My fight with my ISP seems to have delivered results because after a week of narrowband we're able to do recreational surfing again.
It's a real joy to be able to be wandering around the highways and byways of Spankoland once again. You can't beat the happenstance of just surfing around hopping from page to page, can you?
And tonight I've happened upon carpet beaters. They're not really a British thing, but the beater - or mattenklopper - seems to be part of a European CP tradition.
Before vacuum cleaners they were apparently bought firstly for carpets and, secondly, for naughty bottoms. According to Wikipedia until the 1970s the carpet beater was the domestic spanking implement of choice in Belgium and Holland.
The Wiki article says: "This 'secondary use' earned the carpet beater a special place in Dutch folklore, as a symbol for good housecleaning, conservative family values and childrearing, as well as a symbol for the dominant position of the housemother in traditional Dutch families."
Searching around there seem to be lots of imagery reflecting the carpet beater's special place in the homes and hearts of Europe. I particularly like this one. and this. Of course, the excellent All Things Spanking has the subject covered - and a comment there says the rattan carpet beater "feel like dozens of little canes striking your back side simultaneously". Scary.
That said, it doesn't look like an especially fearsome punishment tool to me. I suppose it's hard to know without giving it a try. Where can I get one, or two - or a whole collection? A bit of googling has found me a nice one for a good price (and made by a German family business who've been at it since 1935 apparently), but have I the guts to buy? I think the carpet beater may be one pervertible that is obviously a bit kinky to even the most innocent vanilla.